normal-horoscopes:

Aries: Attention is a finite resource, don’t waste it knowingly.

Taurus: Just because you say you’re crazy doesn’t mean you are.

Gemini: Silence is the most intricate and flavorful part of language. It can communicate things that language cannot.

Cancer: Astral projection is not to be used for petty crime. Its still sexual harassment and you seriously do not want to deal with the law on that side of the tracks.

Leo: Always ask yourself: What am I going to do about it? Then ask yourself: Is that legal? Then ask yourself: should it be?

Virgo: Life is just a series of bad decisions that turned out to be really fun.

Libra: Yes, pain makes you feel alive but so does eating a damn good sandwich.

Scorpio: Fear will unmake you.

Ophiuchus: Sage keeps away demons, not taxes.

Sagittarius: You will meet the same fate as American former President William McKinley. Wait, hang on. The stars are talking to me. Okay the exact opposite of that.

Capricorn:  Avoid anyone carrying a katana. They’re either a weirdo or a samurai and you shouldn’t bother either. 

Aquarius: Wear your badges proudly! Pin them directly to your exposed skin! Its pride blood!

Pisces: You are on every globe somewhere.