Maybe the gayest reaction I’ve ever had to something was when I was like 14 and reading ‘Twilight’ for the first time, and when Bella first said she was in love with Edward I was like, “what the fuck. Since when? He’s your friend.” I legit thought she was interested in him out of like,,,,,,, professional curiosity smh
I’m gonna write ‘Twilight’ fanfic in which Bella is a lesbian and Edward is gay, and they’re best human/vampire mates who solve murders together. I’m going to change all the character names and publish it under the title ‘Blood Buddies’.
[not]Bella: I know things were probably pretty dire in the 1800s, sex-wise, but you could’ve… I don’t know, been an Oscar Wilde boy toy. You’re pretty enough.
[not]Edward: Do you enjoy this? Do you enjoy causing me pain?
[not]Bella: …you’re the oldest twink in the world. How does that feel?
Harry, to Scorpius: If you ever are mean to Albus then I’ll seduce your dad and convince him to marry me and then I’ll be your stepmom and I’ll disable the Wi-Fi at 7pm every night don’t fucking try me
Scorpius: If you disable the Wi-Fi then how are you going to use it?
Harry: I don’t need Wi-Fi when I’m riding your dad’s dick.
It’s genuinely worrying to me how often white supremacist misogynist dudes have a weird Viking obsession. The Vikings did not agree with you. Stop dragging the Vikings into this.
Right-wingers: We should treat the Muslims like the Vikings did! Me: You mean travel thousands of miles to strike up profitable trade deals with them in their own countries and establish mutually beneficial business arrangements? Right-wingers: Wot?
For the record, the guy actually invented this with the intent of it being used to crack down on human trafficking. Traffickers often cover their victims in heavy/unusual makeup before posting pics of them online, to make them harder to detect using normal software.
oh
So basically this is a case of really shitty reporting. The article could have been about an app used to rescue victims of trafficking but they decided to flippantly make it about make-up
Harry: Well I’m doing just fine…I lied I’m dying inside
Ron: i don’t have enough money for chicken nuggets
Hermione: that is not correct. Because according to the encyclopaedia of pl-pl-pl-pl-pl-
Neville: Hurricane Katrina? More like Hurricane tortilla
Luna: he needs some milk
Ginny: Go back to sleep, and starve.
Draco: hey loser, say kid backwards! [dik?] Ha ha, that’s gay…
Dumbledore: [HoW dO yOu kNoW wHaT’s gOoD fOr mE?] THAT’S MY OPINIONNN!!!..
Snape: *to the ghostbusters theme song* I’m an adult virgin
Lily: oh my god why can’t you just take the freaking compliMEEEENTT
James: People constantly ask me what’s it like to be a sexy-
Sirius: All I wanna tell you is school’s not important… Be whatever you wanna be. If you wanna be a dog…RUFF. You know?
Remus: [dad, look! it’s the good kush…] This is the dollar store how good can it be?
Peter: I brought you Myrrh [thank you] Mur-dur! [huh…Judas..no]
McGonagall: smack that bitch
Flitwick: I said whoever threw that paper, your moms a hoe!
Hagrid: look at all those chickens
Arthur: road work ahead? Yeah I sure hope it does
Molly: every time you don’t yell at your kids, put a quarter in your sock and soon you’ll have a weapon to beat-
Bill: wOw
Charlie: So no head?
Percy: Hey everybody, today my brother pushed me, so I’m starting a kickstarter to put him down. The benefits of killing him would be: I would get pushed way less.
Fred: can I get a waffle? Can I please get a waffle?
George: I’m John Cena!
Tonks: This bitch empty, YEET!
Moody: I wanna be a cowboy baby
Colin: That was legitness
Cho: Chris is that a weed?
Cedric: Oh my god they were roommates
Fleur: hi, I’m Renata Bliss and I’m your freestyle dance teacher
Victor: *slides in* Good evening
Dudley: Whaddup my name is Jared, I’m 19, and I never fucking learnt how to read
Petunia: I saw you hanging out with caitlin yesterday!! [r-rebecca, it’s not what you think!] i won’t hesitate, bitch! * pew pew *
Vernon: the cheese of truth *puts cheese on newspaper* immigrants cause cancer
Dobby: Hi welcome to chilli’s
Hedwig: Bitch I hope the fuck you do! You’ll be a dead son of a bitch I tell you
Narcissa: two shots of vodka *pours in half a bottle of vodka*
Bellatrix: I love you bitch. I ain’t never gonna stop loving you….bitch.
Note: Everything in this story is headcanon, which didn’t happen in the game.
One day I found the way Kamski ties the flaps of his bathrobe is Japanese dead man style, so I made a joke that the real Elijah already died and an android carrying his mind took his place. Then several of my friends shared their similar ideas with me.
I ship Kamski & Chloe as much as HankCon, and I like the theory that Chloe is rA9, so this comic is the result.
Like we always talk about Sirius’ dog traits and Peter’s rat traits…what about James? Does he freeze when he sees headlights? Does he have an affinity for salt licks? What do deer even do?
Occasionally, Lily will walk in on him rubbing his head against the bedpost.
One year after James got Sirius a box of dog treats for his birthday as a joke, Sirius got James a salt lick for Christmas…
…neither of them say anything when they walk in on each other indulging in said gifts…
A day or so later, Sirius was peeved to find that his half-empty box of dog treats had been pillaged, with only a few crumbs left behind.
At dinner that night, Remus ate much less than usual.
Peter just looks at all of them like they are crazy until they buy him a giant wheel of gormet cheese for his birthday and he nearly cries from happiness
james suddenly decides to become a vegetarian around fifth year
when he sees something strange, sometimes sirius involuntarily makes that little *boof* sound dogs make when they don’t know if they should fully bark
peter is actually the first of the four to grow any facial hair, just a few wispy blonde mustache hairs on either side of his mouth, right about where whiskers would be…
Okay but imagine them being outside for whatever reason and James is absentmindedly playing with the grass before he just picks it up and puts it into his mouth without even realizing why anyone is staring at him.
James: *chewing on grass*
Sirius: mate…the fuck?
James: *stops chewing for a second.* oh please, we all saw you bury that chicken bone from dinner the other day.
Sirius:…point taken…
Sirius:…wait…*eyes narrow. Growls* you saw?
Remus: *sigh* Sirius no one’s going to steal your bone…
Sirius: damn right they won’t. *gets up.* EVERYONE CLOSE YOUR EYES. NOW I HAVE TO MOVE IT!
James also wakes up literally at the crack of fucking dawn and it drives everyone insane
And poor Minerva never understood her inexplicable urge to hiss whenever the marauders entered the room.
• Deer don’t sleep for extended periods of time. They dose. James is up and down all night. The marauders get used to it eventually, but it drives Lily absolutely crazy.
• They prefer to sleep against solid objects. James can’t sleep if the mattress is too soft and it’s not unusual to find him napping on the floor or propped up against the wall.
• everyone assumes Peter is the lookout during pranks, but Deer have an amazing ability to sense even the slightest danger. James was incredibly on Order missions.
• mature bucks assert their dominance by trying to intimidate others with constant eye contact. This has caused a lot of stare downs between James and Sirius, which usually results in the two of them wrestling each other because they are both too stubborn to back down.
He stares down others also. Peter always gives in right away. James never dares to stare Remus down.
BONUS:
Before mating, Does often play “hard to get” and make the bucks chase after them before allowing the bucks to “catch” them…
Ladies and gentlemen of the fandom, I give you Lily Evans.
HOLY FUCK I LAUGHED MY WAY THROUGH THIS POST BUT THAT LAST ONE AND NOW MY MIND IS FUCKING BLOWN
Not to forget that one post (WHERE IS THAT POST) that was about how deer get jealous and possessive and often go lick the neck of their does on the neck or something (James randomly plastering his tongue against Lily’s neck when she’s talking to a guy) LMFAO
I have this thing with my dog that he starts howling at any high pitched frequencies he hears. Just imagine something blows up in the classroom and everyone’s ears and ringing and Sirius just starts howling
Do you think Sirius hates the mail man?
Like when he and Remus have their first flat in a muggle neighborhood Sirius just sits at the window, glaring outside….
“Moony! Moony he’s here again!”
“It’s the postman, Pads. Relax.”
“I don’t like him.”
“Well that’s just too bad. Let the man do his job.”
“I don’t trust him Moony- AH! THERE HE IS! HEY! HEY YOU!”
“Padfoot stop shouting at the bloody postman!”
Remus gets Sirius in a car once, and only once—not because Sirius doesn’t like the car, he does, very much, but Remus can only deal with him hanging out the window so far before his blood pressure plays up.
Pranks become a little less easy to execute once the boys pull off the animagus transformations, because they have to factor James’ sudden claustrophobia into their escape routes and emegency hiding spaces: he gets really twitchy anywhere wherein a pair of antlers might theoretically get trapped or caught.
Walking around the castle with Peter is a bit of a nightmare—he’ll habitually walk really close to the wall, slow down as soon as an intersecting corridor approaches, then speed right up, sprinting across what he perceives as open, vulnerable space until he’s back in a safe zone.
Whenever Sirius and Remus get into an argument, there aren’t apologies—they seem to have a wordless communication and understanding of who has backed down, and when the argument’s over, and after that they’re fine. No-one can figure it out until James realises they’re tilting their heads—just a little, not enough to be obvious unless you’re looking for it, but one’ll bare their neck to the other a bit, and they probably don’t even realise they’re doing it but they both seem to understand it by instinct.
This is how Sirius spent his birthday today. Cake with his two best friends and stories from James about his troublemaker grandchildren traumatizing Hogwarts teachers… Don’t try and tell me otherwise.
Happy 59th birthday Sirius!
…..I get much joy out of seeing them aged properly past their 20s and 30s….
Pansexual Monster Girl 